Five days a week, for the last five months, I wake up at 6:15 in the morning and get squished.Ā I wake up that early and go through the pain in order to learn Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ).Ā Thereās no rational reason to do this.Ā Iām forty-three, and Iām too old and too small to compete for any prestigious awards.Ā None of my friends are into BJJ.Ā Thereās only my fascination with the art itself.
When I was younger, I didnāt have a fascination with anything.Ā I chose my college major through the process of elimination.Ā I did whatever my friends did.Ā It wasnāt bad.Ā Curiosity is my superpower - I can usually find āthe interestingā in anything.Ā But the difference between finding something interesting and being fascinated with something is like watching a football game versus playing in one.
What do I find interesting about BJJ?Ā Itās a constant puzzle that Iām trying to unwind, but at the same time, you can never fixate on any one thing.Ā Itās a study of opposites.Ā Abstract to concrete.Ā Physical and mental.Ā Applying techniques versus flow.Ā Focusing on any extreme doesnāt work, you need to constantly shift your attention.Ā If Iām being smashed, not only do I need to focus on getting out of the jam, I need to simultaneously go on the offensive or my opponent will just move on to another conundrum I need to figure out.
Imagine a chess game where instead of just moving pieces around, you have to enact each move against your opponent.Ā You not only have to make the right move, you have to perform it correctly or it blows up in your face.Ā Thatās BJJ.
The sad part is that I might not have even started BJJ.Ā Like I said earlier, I did whatever my friends did.Ā For a long time, it never crossed my mind to try things my friends didnāt do.Ā Ā
Iāve heard the advice that relationships are everything.Ā When youāre on your deathbed, itās the relationships that matter.Ā And I do believe thatās true.
But I also believe that you need to do things that are intrinsically interesting to yourself.
When I had a job, every day I found myself waiting for work to be over.Ā And I found myself waiting for the work-week to be over.Ā And I found myself waiting for vacations so that I wouldnāt have to go to work.Ā And I would spend those nights, weekends, and vacations with friends.
And it was fun, and it made the time pass.Ā Most of the time was spent drinking or complaining about work, but I was with my friends, and thatās all that mattered, right?
Get busy living, or get busy dying. - āRedā Redding, The Shawshank Redemption
I needed something to look forward to,Ā And I eventually realized that I had to branch out further than what my friends wanted to do.
I was worried that if I didnāt do things with my friends, I wouldnāt see them.Ā We wouldnāt be friends anymore.Ā And itās true - Iāve lost touch with a lot of friends.Ā But I value my time more now and I enjoy life more.Ā I no longer need distractions, Iām always doing what I want to do.Ā And while I donāt see some friends as often as before, weāre still good friends - when we see each other we pick up right where we left off.
And obviously, there are people I will do anything with.Ā Iāll do anything with my wife because I want to spend time with her.Ā And Iāll usually enjoy doing those activities too.Ā We just started doing pottery together, which I wouldnāt have thought I would enjoy.
I wish I had a pithy comment to wrap this up, but weāll have to make do with fortune cookie vibes: Follow your fascination.
Writing of the Week:
1ļøā£ One of my favorite internet thinkers, Jim O'Shaughnessy, made me think about the growth that comes out of tension.
š Why does Jim O'Shaughnessy Think in Twos?
Iāve been writing unpolished, around 100 word mini-essays.Ā Just reflections on ideas from podcasts or things on the news.Ā Here are the latest:
2ļøā£ Burdens and Expectations
3ļøā£ Mandate of Heaven
4ļøā£ Why I Won't Get in a Self-Driving Car
5ļøā£ Taste
Quotes of the Week:
1ļøā£ āSometimes, when we're terrified of embracing our true calling, we'll pursue a shadow calling instead. That shadow career is a metaphor for our real career. Its shape is similar, its contours feel tantalizingly the same. But a shadow career entails no real risk. If we fail at a shadow career, the consequences are meaningless to us.ā - Steven Pressfield
2ļøā£
You can find more of my writing at chr.iswong.com.
Questions, suggestions, complaints?Ā Email me at [email protected].Ā Ā
Feedback welcome.
If you enjoyed this newsletter, please share it with a friend or two.Ā And feel free to send anything you find interesting to me!
Leaving you in peace,
Chris
Actually the inclusion of the Pressfield quote was a very nice wrap up for your piece. I've been thinking about War of Art lately, even pulled it off my shelf and set it aside for another reading. Your point about needing to engage what is interesting to us is non-negotiable I think. Ignoring one's natural interests is like hiding from the sun.
Follow your fascination. This has been my mantra forever and you wrote about it brilliantly. Thank you.