Why was I not satisfied? That was the question that drove me during my finance career. I had a job most people wanted and enough money to do anything I wanted (anything, not everything). Was I ungrateful? Were my expectations too high?
Most people ascribe this sense of unfulfillment to hedonic adaptation, that you quickly become accustomed to the amount of money you make.
But I donât believe thatâs the case. I had a need that could not be satisfied by money. But my focus on a successful career, while it gave me a target to aim at, also distracted me from realizing there are other needs.
The first hint was a study that emotional well-being increases with your salary until a certain point.
The second clue was the concept of Maslowâs hierarchy, that we have different needs to be met.
After reading this essay by Paul Millerd I began to form a theory. Maslowâs needs can be grouped into two realms, the D-Realm and the B-Realm.Â
I treated my whole life as the D-Realm. My job provided money for food, shelter, and clothing. Everything was seen through the lens of âlack.â And even when I didnât lack, I prepared for lack. I made money in order to save money. Just in case, to fill any future lacks I might have.Â
Even hobbies and activities were to satisfy lacks. They filled the lack of fun. D-Realm needs are simple, but not easy, to solve - you just throw effort and money at them.
I was conditioned that the solution to any problem was to make more money.
When I finally realized I had B-Realm needs, I threw effort and money at them. I thought a meaningful life meant being the best person I could be so I tried to become more efficient and I tried to optimize everything. I searched for a meaningful job, in vain. But B-Realm needs canât be satisfied like D-Realm needs. You canât measure them and you canât manage them.
I struggled to come up with a metaphor to explain the difference between B-Realm and D-Realm needs. Youâre going to have to bear with this one because itâs the best I could come up with.
D-Realm needs are a hole to be filled. You can always attempt to throw more stuff down that hole. The effort can be measured - your salary, your savings, how big your house is.
B-Realms needs are like a fountain and filling the needs is like water flowing from that fountain. But forcing more water into the fountain breaks the fountain. The way to make the fountain work is by creating the right conditions and being patient.
The way to satisfy your B-Realm needs is by creating. By following Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose, the right conditions are established for the fountain to start flowing. The important detail is that this effort cannot be measured. You canât quantify how much Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose you have. Itâs the feeling thatâs unique to yourself and your circumstance.
The problem is that we are so used to solving D-Realm needs that we approach B-Realm needs in the same way. We try to make đ rather than opening ourselves to possibilities.
To extend the metaphor to the creator economy:
You can use the water from the B-Realm fountain to fill the D-Realm hole. But if you direct the water to the hole or try to make enough water come out to fill the hole, the fountainâs going to turn off. Whatever water falls into the hole, be grateful for. But youâll have to find other ways to fill the rest of the hole.
Iâm going to keep working on this metaphor, but TLDR - Stop trying to use money to satisfy your creative needs.
Discoveries:
1ď¸âŁ Benjamin Graham is the father of value investing, an early mentor to Warren Buffett. Â
Graham had enough money. What he didnât have enough of was time. So he refused to invest more of his most valuable asset in the pursuit of riches. For Graham, investing was one interest among many. For Buffett, compounding capital for himself and his shareholders became his lifeâs mission. Which is why, unlike Graham, he never retired. Did he miss Grahamâs message? Did he never find the meaning of âenoughâ?
đ Enough: The Forgotten Lesson of Ben Graham's Life
If my metaphor didnât make sense or you want a different perspective, here are two essays with similar themes.
2ď¸âŁ Justin Murphy stopped being obsessively concerned about money.
So why was I finding more success when I was disregarding money? The reason is that genuine, passionate, creative, and soulful work really does rise to the top. But to produce that work consistently, you need to be relaxed, confident, joyful, and generous. And optimizing for money prohibits all of these creative virtues. It makes you tense, fearful, stressed, and selfish.
đ Satisfice Money, Maximize Freedom
3ď¸âŁ Lawrence Yeo writes about the four parameters that guide every personâs life.
Much of the time, our minds occupy the Money-Receptive zone. We have to eat everyday and have a place to sleep to ensure the maintenance of our health, all of which require money. We spend much of our days working on something that culminates in a financial result that allows for freedom in attention. When it comes to the way we spend a majority of our days, we require money as the fuel to keep the engine running.
But when it comes to the question of why weâre doing all this, the interesting thing is that neither the Health nor Freedom levers can answer it. What are we staying healthy for? What is the texture of freedom weâre chasing? Why does all this matter in the first place?
đ The Levers That Money Canât Pull
Quote of the Week:
âYou're doing the thing everyone does at the beginning of a solo path â you're looking to be saved. No company, no other person's playbook, or metric of success will save you. The only thing that matters is coming back to the thing you are meant to do. You must do it on your terms. Men waste years trying to avoid this.â -
Something Fun:
Sometimes itâs important to ask what side youâre on. Are we the Baddies?
You can find more of my writing at chr.iswong.com.
Questions, suggestions, complaints? Email me at [email protected]. Â
Feedback welcome.
If you enjoyed this newsletter, please share it with a friend or two. And feel free to send anything you find interesting to me!
Leaving you in peace,
Chris
Interesting enough Maslow seemed more confused closer to death than near certainty. I think he was spot on with the b values but so t think Iâd map them to a pyramid. Itâs more like you need a portal to get there (maybe a sabbatical or quitting your job!).
This is where all social science theories fall flat. They make some elementary assumptions about what a ânormalâ adult should be doing.
Google herzberg two factors theory
Itâs essentially the same thing but more precise than millerds
Let me give a very summarized version of herzberg
Most people think happy and unhappy are two ends of the same spectrum hence opposite of happy is unhappy
Herzberg theory says happy and unhappy are actually their own separate spectrums (once you understand this, everything else becomes easy to understand and remember)
So you have happy vs not happy as two ends of one spectrum
Unhappy vs not unhappy as two ends of a diff spectrum
Happy spectrum affected by meaning related factors like purpose etc
Unhappy spectrum affected by hygiene factors like money
Think of a 2x2 where your axes are happy and unhappy axes
So you have
Quadrant 1: happy and not unhappy (ideal situation)
Q2: not happy and not unhappy (think abt your rich but unfulfilled banker as stereotype)
Q3: unhappy and happy (think abt your dirt poor social worker who has issues making rent but making an impact in community)
Q4: unhappy and not happy (worst case - poorly paid in unfulfilling job)
You can of course do the Maslow pyramid thing and start by concentrating on solving hygiene factor problem first
But I donât think itâs a one size fits all
I have seen people who focus on solving for meaning first because somehow they will auto (and indeed) end up solving hygiene factors along the way
Even the same person may end up changing their approach because their experiences n strengths n commitments are different at different stages of their life