“I'm proud of you.” If you're Asian, I heard this from my parents more than you think, if you're not, I heard it much less. I heard it when I graduated, occasionally when I got promoted, and when I bought my apartment. But I never felt proud of these accomplishments. Graduating from HS and college, you just have to sit there. Getting promotions either felt like it was overdue or that I was just fooling my boss.
Thanks for the mention Chris! Love this article by the way. So many great nuggets in here as usual. I always want to stay a while and click around. Thanks for bringing all these topics into one place and seeing how they relate.
Thank you so much for the recommendation Chris. I was most interested in this issue by the distinction you made between ego gratification and self worth. How would I know which one is being fed by a compliment in your experience? Any telltale signs that would make it clear when I'm being reinforced for one over the other?
You're smart – the only thing that's probably worse. Now there are studies proving telling this to kids is bad. 😃 I'm a regular guy with a good work ethic. When I received the keys to my first car, apartment, the second, the third, etc. I wasn't as happy as people expected me to be and sometimes asked: "are you not happy?". I always thought I was happy reaching this, but receiving the keys was the end of the journey, and once the paperwork was done, the keys were really just a formality.
"I’ve found out what good BJJ feels and looks like and I know what it takes to get better." Have you read The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin? He talks about his approach to train and how he won several championships in Chess, Tao Chi Push Hands and BJJ. I think you'll like it.
"If you're Asian, I heard this from my parents more than you think, if you're not, I heard it much less." HAHAHA ok this is clever
Thanks for the mention Chris! Love this article by the way. So many great nuggets in here as usual. I always want to stay a while and click around. Thanks for bringing all these topics into one place and seeing how they relate.
Thank you so much for the recommendation Chris. I was most interested in this issue by the distinction you made between ego gratification and self worth. How would I know which one is being fed by a compliment in your experience? Any telltale signs that would make it clear when I'm being reinforced for one over the other?
Wise, super insightful and beautifully written essay on taste and being true to ourselves. A real gem!
After reading your newsletter, I still couldn’t stop my cultural programming and said “I’m proud of you” to my kiddo last night 😂
"If both of these are true, perhaps we should explore alternatives to schooling."
Yes, 100%!
You're smart – the only thing that's probably worse. Now there are studies proving telling this to kids is bad. 😃 I'm a regular guy with a good work ethic. When I received the keys to my first car, apartment, the second, the third, etc. I wasn't as happy as people expected me to be and sometimes asked: "are you not happy?". I always thought I was happy reaching this, but receiving the keys was the end of the journey, and once the paperwork was done, the keys were really just a formality.
"I’ve found out what good BJJ feels and looks like and I know what it takes to get better." Have you read The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin? He talks about his approach to train and how he won several championships in Chess, Tao Chi Push Hands and BJJ. I think you'll like it.